How fast does time fly??

Royksopp - Remind Me

What more can I do????

Life is coming at me so fast. I just don't know what to do. I think that everyone goes through this and it's not an uncommon feeling for one to have in the course of just living. Things went downhill really fast when the love of my life told me that she might want to be single. How I stayed calm about it, I have yet to figure it out, but I was totally devastated. I really don't see myself without her or being without her. This is not the first time this has come up, but I don't know what to do. Am I holding her back from moving on, out of my life? Am I forcing her to stay because she feels that she is hurting my feeling? Or is it all me? Am I a bad boyfriend that holds her back from doing what she wants to do? Have I truly lost her for good and she's just going along with the relationship out of habit or because she is used to me just being around? My mind thinks about this and much more every second of the day since early that morning. I don't know what else I can do. I don’t know if what I am doing is holding her back from being happy. I'm truly hurt about this whole thing but I'm not letting my emotions get the best of me. Later that morning, I picked her up and we talked over breakfast and went to my house to talk some more. I did feel a little better after talking to her about some stuff. We both have stuff we need to work on and we talked about it. Hopefully everything will turn out ok because it would tear me up if I ever lost her. She means so much to me and she's been there for me when nobody else was. She has keep me going and has helped me along with some of the most difficult times in my life. She has made me a better person and I am truly indebted to her for that. She is truly the love of my life and I would love to spend the rest of my life with her. I want her to be my wife; the one I come home to and tell how my day went; the one the to be the mother of my kids; the one to pick me up when I'm am down. She's it for me.

I know this is still fresh on both of our minds but I'm doing my best not to think about it too much. I got her some flowers today just to say 'I Love You', and it really made her day. I was happy to see her because I'm so happy when we're together. I know I got a lot of work to do in the next couple of weeks and I don't what her to feel that what's going on has pushed me away from her and that I don't want to be with her. I will see her sometime tomorrow night to watch our shows and we might talk some more but I think enough was said.

I'm excited for Christmas!! (onto a brighter note) I went shopping last Friday and got almost everything I needed. I can't wait till people open my gifts. I think Ash and her mom will both like what I got them. I just got a few things to get form my mom and dad, but it shouldn't be hard. I'm also looking for a job and I think I might have on. I'm not going to tell Ash until I really get it. I need it, we're going on a cruise in May and I'm already in dept so there's no need to dig myself into a whole. If I do get a job, I will keep it throughout next semester since my class schedule is so weird. I look forward to going back to work..... Ash also mentioned us going to some parties so I'm excited about that too.

A Fight, What???

I did have a wonderful weekend with Ashley. It started on Friday when went to see Death Cab in concert at the Fox. It was way better than I expected. I had a lot of fun and I could actually remember some of the song that was being preformed. After the concert we ate a Piebar. I had a white pizza while Ash got pepperoni. It was really good. The restaurant was real futuristic looking and it was in a weird location. Ash slept the whole way home and then asked me if she had feel asleep..... YEAH!!!!!!! lol. When we got back to her place I didn't want to leave, but she was really sleepy and so I just dropped her off. On Saturday, I went and picked her up and we went to Emory to visit a museum. It was ok, but you can't compare it to the ones we saw in Boston. That took up a couple of hours and then we went to Huey's for brunch. That was really good. I enjoyed spending time with Ash and I figured when we got back to her house that she'd send me packing but that wasn't the case. We played around on the couch like old time. Then I helped her find a scene form the movie North Country to collaborate into her group presentation. While watching the movie, she expressed a dire want to go to Macaroni's Grill for dinner. That was cool with me. She even offered to pay. We chilled a little longer and we headed out a little after 9. The service was great and so was the food. I had a little left so got it boxed up to go. When we arrived back to the house, she finished up some work and jumped up in the bed with me. She couldn't keep her eyes open and started falling asleep. I was doing all I could not to fall asleep because her folks still hadn't made it back home. She woke up and we went downstairs were she continued to drift of to sleep. I didn't mind, I was trying to spend as much time with her as I could.

Last night, Ash and me had our first fight in a long time. It was nothing big or anything but it could have been avoided. I got a long apology via an email. It was really sweet and I truly appreciated it. I'm glad she acknowledges how patience I am with stuff. I just don't how much longer I can be like that. I know that before my medication was helping me and it wasn't hard to be patience about stuff. But I'm no longer on anything. I don't want to get back on medication just to keep this relationship going. I was feeling down some last week but I think it was a combination of a lot of stuff going on at once. I really don't want to get on any meds right now. Sometime I really don't know what to do because it seems like everything I do is wrong. I feel like the relationship is somewhat unbalanced with her getting mostly what she wants. No matter, I still question my ability to keep going like I am. I don't want to just snap one day and truly regret whatever happens at that point. I do love Ashley with all my heart and I know that she is the one for me and I'm commented to do whatever it takes to keep this relationship going. After the email, she called me back and we talked on the phone for a good length of time. It felt so good just talking to her about my feelings and stuff cause I haven't done it in along time. I think I haven't sheared my feelings because I don't believe she believes me when I tell her stuff. I don't know what I did to make her second guess everything I say but it really bothers me. I'll get to see her later on tonight and we'll finish our conversation we had last night.

Just Havin Fun with Ash's Hat

Homecoming

This past weekend, me and girlfriend took a trip down to Savannah so that we could go to the homecoming game back at Georgia Southern. We left around 10 on Friday and made it to the Sav. at about 2. The rooms weren't ready so we made a Walmart run and then went on to eat at the Olive Garden. It was a total difference climate than the one we left. It was really warm and and the air remained turned on the entire trip. We stayed in Sav. for the whole day. We walked around taking pics and talking about the ugly people that were walking around on River Street. We ate at a little restaurant in City Market. It was pretty low key in Sav. and not much was going on, but it was still fun. It felt so good outside that and I was with the love of my life so everything was perfect.

We woke up the next morning around 9 or so and got and headed out for Statesboro at about 10:15. Once in Statesboro, we at at Waffle House before heading to the game. The weather channel said that the high for Saturday was in the low 70's but this was not the case. It got hot!! It had to be in the 80's in the stands of the stadium. We sat with Ash's friend Ashley S. which was glad to see her. Her other friend was supposed to be at the game but didn't know. One of my friends that was supposed to be at the game but he didn't wake up till the end of the 2nd quarter. I did however see some people and talk to them some. I got some new numbers so that I can keep in touch, but we'll see how that works. We left some time in the 3rd because Ash was hot and getting burned. We drove around Statesboro seeing what new things that had been put up since the last time we'd been down.

We headed back to the hotel where we enjoyed a nice relaxing bath and got a chance to enjoy each other. We kinda got dressed up and headed back out to Historic Savannah. We walked around a bit before going to eat at the Cotton Exchange. Before eating, we talk to these two old women waiting to be seated. They were so funny. They had stories about every thing and they were telling us about some of the places that they've been together. After returning to the hotel, brought up my laptop and a couple of old R&B cd's. I popped in Donnell Jones cd and we slow danced around the room. I thought it was kinda romantic and I hope she did too. We've done it before back in the dorms of Georgia Southern. As I watched her go to sleep that night, I knew then that the was the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.

Homecoming 06 (Georgia Southern)

Our Stay In Savannah

Blogging At My Girlfriends House

My girlfriend and I watch TV together almost every Tuesday and Thursday night. Tonight one of our shows is off due to the MLB playoffs. We both had stuff to do so, while she studied over her map for a quiz tomorrow, I started looking over stuff for my test in Software Arch & Design. I actually made it further than I expected. After looking over that stuff for a while, I went on to look at some SQL for my Database class.

I was excited we my girlfriend decided to take a break. She laid on me as we looked at stuff on my laptop. She read all my blogs and asked some questions. She laughed at some of the pics I put up of school and us. We're about to watch Nip Tuck together and I can wait. Gotta run!!

I got two more test this week and I'm not really ready for either one. I'm meeting up with someone between classes tomorrow to look over some stuff in our Ethics class. As far as the other one goes, the person that I would normally study with is feeling sick so I got to just get down and do it. I'm trying to plan something for me and Ash this weekend so that we can talk and enjoy ourselves. I really need a break from school already. I had to take a mental health day on Monday so I didn't attend any of my classes. I did however study for the test I had today in the library up at KSU. I saw Ash before I got there and we walked around campus talking for a good little while. I must say I enjoyed every moment of it. It reminded me of the days we spent together back in the Boro.

My baby got sick today, last night really, and I hope I don't get it. She got some meds called in and it seems to be working for her. I'm going to leave in a little while because I know she can't get much work done while I'm here. I just want to be as supportive as I can, so I know when it's time for me to leave. To say she sick and all, she really looks great!!! Maybe it's because I miss her a lot but I don't know..... She my "big butt" and I love her with all my heart.

Feeling Alienated

Today like many other days in the past few weeks I guess, I feel alienated from a lot of things. Almost a feeling of being just left out or a feeling of being of little importance to those that are close to me. I know that I feel it from other people but I also believe that I do it to myself. I find myself not doing a lot of things that I really would like to do. I think that I'm seriously going to start just doing things that I like to do and disregard everyone else for a while. They can either do things with me or just not be with me during that time. I haven't had a good whole week of doing things that I like and love to do in a long time. Call it selfish if you like, but I'm getting tired of catering to others needs all the time. I do this and that and it's not even what I want to do..... Oh and do let me say no, I'm liable not to get talked to for the rest of the night. No one should feel this way. I almost feel obligated to just go a head and do it so that I don't have to be worried about the extra stuff that comes along with saying no to something. But I'm really tired of other people running my life.

One days like today, I wish I was back a GSU for the simple fact that I when I felt this way back there, there was always someone there for me to lean on. Here, I don't really have that many friends. Especially those of which you would go hang out with. The school I go to now has a mixed crowed of people and I do have a core group of friends that I have most of my classes with. But they're really not the people that I would go over to hang out. I think I'm going to have to find another outlet. I would say my girlfriend but it's about the same as when I was back in the Boro and well just see each other on the weekends :(.... I figured it be like that for the most part. I know that it might help if I get a job. I'm going to start back looking next week.... well I can really start tomorrow. So I will.

School's going fine so far. I had my first test yesterday and I think I did ok on it. I've done three small papers so far and it really hasn't killed me yet. I have one really boring class every day and there's no class that I've got that's really exciting to go to. But those too classes are the hardest to pay attention in. One of them only has 9 people in it so I can't really fall asleep in this mans class. If I could I would. I got a couple of things to do this weekend so maybe I'll get most of them done tomorrow so I can relax some.

Life..... could it be different?

Today I find myself reflecting on the past few years of my life a wondering how things would be if I weren't like the person I am.... What I'm trying to say is, if the chooses and decision I made in the past were not of my own but of someone unlike me, where would I be today? Would I have gotten out of high school, or even went to college? What about the school I chose to go to, would I have picked Georgia Southern? What about my girlfriend? Would I be with her, have talked to her, loved her, hated her? What would my relationship be like with me family? I don't know what possessed me to think about such things but it just hit me.

I've been talking to a friend back at Southern and she's been telling me about how her life's been these past few years sense she's been in school. I think it's really interesting because in a way she wishes that she would have carried herself for the last two years is the way I did carry myself. She's is really reflecting on her life and how she says one thing or is one way and does/portrays just the opposite. She is a Christian and believes that her actions don't reflect her walk with the lord. This to her is very important and it should be for every Christian. Because we are Christians, worldy people are always going to be looking at us to see what we're doing, acting and behaving. It's like having a life under a microscope. She recently stopped dating her boyfriend because of some of the things happening in the relationship. I told her a long time ago that I didn't believe that her relationship with him was going to work. It takes people a little bit longer to see things from an outside perspective because we get so entangled into the moment. Anyway, he's trying to get back with her, but she finally put her foot down and told he that he was going to have to change in order for them to get back together. I'm so happy for her. She seem so happy on the phone now when we talk. I think if I where still in the Boro we would be best friend. I would like to think so anyway.

Back to me, if I were to be one of those people that partied all the time, how would that reflect my spirituality? What would that say about me, my faith, my teachings??? I would like to believe that I do carry myself in a manner that is respectable and smiled on by God. I hope that I can remain to be in good favor with God and that he keeps me and gives me the strength to continue on in my walk.

School's In!!

I started school back on Monday of this week hoping that I wouldn't find myself in any hard classes...... that's not the case at all. I'm taking 6 classes this semester; some being easy while others are not. Composition, Digital Design, professional Practices & Ethics, and History seem to be my easer courses so far. Database Systems and Software Architecture & Design are both going to take a lot out me over the next 17 weeks or so. I do want to do good in both of these classes as well as the others. I just don't think I'll be able to make straight A's this term. My girlfriend also started back this week and she seem to be liking how thing are going for her as of now. Her brother also stared school and seems to be excited about the whole being in college thing. I wish them both the best.

School, for the most part, has come back and taken up a big chunks of my life once again, but I can happily say that I'll be doing other things while being in school. One thing that I'm proud of the dedicating myself back to the Lord. For most of the summer.... well really the past two year (sense I've been in college) a haven't had a close relationship with God. I can blame only myself for this. I have started attending church regularly and can truly feel uplifted already. Another thing I'm doing is going to a concert with my girlfriend the weekend of Labor Day. It should e fun. It's the Counting Crows and the Goo Goo Dolls. I don't listen to either of their music but with help from my girlfriend I got to listen to a lot of it. I don't really like Goo Goo but the other group is ok. I think she said she didn't really like them either. There's a couple more things I would like to do this semester if I can get a chance but I'll bring those up later on.

Back Home to Louisiana

This past Friday, I had the opportunity to take my mom back home to Louisiana. We left out early Friday morning to beet all the traffic and to not feel like we'd been on the road all day. We got there around 9:00 (Central time) and it was already starting to get hot. I didn't do too much on Friday but see a lot of family. I stayed with my aunt on my dad's side of the family that night and the next.

Saturday was really special because it was my late grandmothers birthday. So we all went up to the cemetery and did a kinda of memorial thing there. It had started raining while we were driving up there. Luckily it slowed up so that we could pay our respects. My mom read a nice poem that she wrote and all the sisters let go their balloons at the end. It was really enjoyable for me because me and my grandmother were close.

Sunday was too funny. I went to my first ghetto wedding. I have never been to a wedding like this in my life. It was one of my cousin that was getting married and the whole thing was like a big joke. There were people smoking and drinking during the wedding. There were people walking around for the entire time the service was being held. It was outside and there wasn't enough chairs to even seat everybody. The order of the service was all wrong and they didn't look at each other during the reciting of the vows. It was quite the production.

Back to the Boro

This past weekend, I took a trip back to the Boro (Georgia Southern). It was so hot there that you would break out into a sweat just going from the car to the house. I spent a lot of time with my old roommate while I was there. We went out to eat and watched movies at the house…. after the power can back on that is. Around 6’oclock or so it got really dark and started seriously storming. The storm knocked the power out for at least an hour and a half. It was good seeing and talking to him, it reminded me of old times.

<>I took a little joyride around the Boro to see if there was any new stuff that had been built while I had been away. They look like they’re trying to build the little town up. They’ve added some really nice apartments down there (much better than the one I stayed in). There were some new businesses there as well. I couldn’t tell if they were going to make it because there was like no one down there at all (students).

On Sunday I walked around the campus a bit just remembering all the things that I did while I was there. I remember the first night I stayed in my room my freshman year and what that fist moment felt like to be out of the house. Memories of me and my girlfriend meeting up for lunch, going to see free movies or watching the baseball games, and running in the rain to get to class. I can’t forget all the late night I spent at the library trying to study for a test or the cold morning that I walked in for my first class at 8. I was kinda taking aback from it all. I really did enjoy myself down there and it was harder to say goodbye than I thought.

Pics of Statesboro

Pics of the Boro

My Apartment Complex

My Apartment (last one on the left)

Lake Side (Georgia Southern Campus)

Library (Georgia Southern Campus)


Information Building (Georgia Southern Campus)

Brennan Hall (Georgia Southern Campus)


Baseball Stadium (Georgia Southern Campus)

Random Pics Of Me and Ash

Thanksgiving 05 (Orlando)

Christmas 05

Random Weekend at My Apartment 06

Easter 06 (Savannah)

4th of July (Stone Mountain)

My Trip To Boston (March 06)

View From Cruising Altitude

My Lovely Girlfriend (on the plane)

Us On The Plane

The Bed at The Marriott Long Wharf

Me at MIT!!!!!!


***Views of Boston***

Pic of the trip!!

Myrtle 06

Me And My Girl On The Beach

View From The Hotel

View From The Hotel

Me And My Lovely Girlfriend

Time To Relax

This past weekend, my lovely girlfriend took me to Myrtle beach for our three year anniversary. I have to admit that it was a lot of fun. We ate good, had fun a the beach, and more importantly, we enjoyed each other.

I finally got to relax a bit after a had semester of school. I just transferred to Southern Polly from Georgia Southern. There is a really big difference between the two schools. So far, I can truly say that I had a hole lot more fun down at Southern than I'm have here at Polly, There's just not a lot of stuff to do here at the school. But I will tell you that the work load is really different. I've done more work in the eight week summer semester than I have in the two year I stayed down at Southern. At least that's how it feels. I am enjoying the fact that I'm able to see my girl friend more because she up here too. She goes to KSU and lives about ten minutes away from the house.

I'm leaving tomorrow to go back to the Boro (Southern) so I can totally move out of my apartment down there. I hope I'll be able to see some of my old friends while I'm there. Most of the went home from the summer and I probably wont be able o see them. Unfortunately I'll be sleeping on a blow-up mattress because my bed and stuff is already up here. I haven't decided yet on when I'm coming home, it just depends on who's all there at and if the office is open on Sunday from me to turn in my key. It's going to be hot!!!! The Weather Channel said that it was going to get up to about 96 tomorrow with a heat index of 125. That makes no sense to me at all.

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately about things and life and I'm trying to grip on things. I guess I'm trying to adjust to being back home and it's not really going so well. My outward appearances suggest that I'm doing good and that I'm truly happy, but I'm not. I haven't really been happy sense returning home (except the trip) and I hope that I will really soon. One can only be unhappy for so long. I've been wanting to talk to my gf about it but the timing of our conversations is all off . Soon I will have to talk to her about it.

Me and my sister are thinking about moving in together once her lease is up. I've got to get a job first which is harder that I thought it was going to be. I'm being really picky about the job I take because I want it to help in launching me to a job in California. I know..... high hopes!!! But I do like it out there and I think it will be a cool place to live and start a family. Back to me and my sister, we're looking at getting a town house with two or three bedroom. I think it would work out well for the both of us. If we don't get a town home then hopefully we can find a cheap place so that we can both save some money for our future planes (apart) .