What more can I do????

Life is coming at me so fast. I just don't know what to do. I think that everyone goes through this and it's not an uncommon feeling for one to have in the course of just living. Things went downhill really fast when the love of my life told me that she might want to be single. How I stayed calm about it, I have yet to figure it out, but I was totally devastated. I really don't see myself without her or being without her. This is not the first time this has come up, but I don't know what to do. Am I holding her back from moving on, out of my life? Am I forcing her to stay because she feels that she is hurting my feeling? Or is it all me? Am I a bad boyfriend that holds her back from doing what she wants to do? Have I truly lost her for good and she's just going along with the relationship out of habit or because she is used to me just being around? My mind thinks about this and much more every second of the day since early that morning. I don't know what else I can do. I don’t know if what I am doing is holding her back from being happy. I'm truly hurt about this whole thing but I'm not letting my emotions get the best of me. Later that morning, I picked her up and we talked over breakfast and went to my house to talk some more. I did feel a little better after talking to her about some stuff. We both have stuff we need to work on and we talked about it. Hopefully everything will turn out ok because it would tear me up if I ever lost her. She means so much to me and she's been there for me when nobody else was. She has keep me going and has helped me along with some of the most difficult times in my life. She has made me a better person and I am truly indebted to her for that. She is truly the love of my life and I would love to spend the rest of my life with her. I want her to be my wife; the one I come home to and tell how my day went; the one the to be the mother of my kids; the one to pick me up when I'm am down. She's it for me.

I know this is still fresh on both of our minds but I'm doing my best not to think about it too much. I got her some flowers today just to say 'I Love You', and it really made her day. I was happy to see her because I'm so happy when we're together. I know I got a lot of work to do in the next couple of weeks and I don't what her to feel that what's going on has pushed me away from her and that I don't want to be with her. I will see her sometime tomorrow night to watch our shows and we might talk some more but I think enough was said.

I'm excited for Christmas!! (onto a brighter note) I went shopping last Friday and got almost everything I needed. I can't wait till people open my gifts. I think Ash and her mom will both like what I got them. I just got a few things to get form my mom and dad, but it shouldn't be hard. I'm also looking for a job and I think I might have on. I'm not going to tell Ash until I really get it. I need it, we're going on a cruise in May and I'm already in dept so there's no need to dig myself into a whole. If I do get a job, I will keep it throughout next semester since my class schedule is so weird. I look forward to going back to work..... Ash also mentioned us going to some parties so I'm excited about that too.