Feeling Alienated

Today like many other days in the past few weeks I guess, I feel alienated from a lot of things. Almost a feeling of being just left out or a feeling of being of little importance to those that are close to me. I know that I feel it from other people but I also believe that I do it to myself. I find myself not doing a lot of things that I really would like to do. I think that I'm seriously going to start just doing things that I like to do and disregard everyone else for a while. They can either do things with me or just not be with me during that time. I haven't had a good whole week of doing things that I like and love to do in a long time. Call it selfish if you like, but I'm getting tired of catering to others needs all the time. I do this and that and it's not even what I want to do..... Oh and do let me say no, I'm liable not to get talked to for the rest of the night. No one should feel this way. I almost feel obligated to just go a head and do it so that I don't have to be worried about the extra stuff that comes along with saying no to something. But I'm really tired of other people running my life.

One days like today, I wish I was back a GSU for the simple fact that I when I felt this way back there, there was always someone there for me to lean on. Here, I don't really have that many friends. Especially those of which you would go hang out with. The school I go to now has a mixed crowed of people and I do have a core group of friends that I have most of my classes with. But they're really not the people that I would go over to hang out. I think I'm going to have to find another outlet. I would say my girlfriend but it's about the same as when I was back in the Boro and well just see each other on the weekends :(.... I figured it be like that for the most part. I know that it might help if I get a job. I'm going to start back looking next week.... well I can really start tomorrow. So I will.

School's going fine so far. I had my first test yesterday and I think I did ok on it. I've done three small papers so far and it really hasn't killed me yet. I have one really boring class every day and there's no class that I've got that's really exciting to go to. But those too classes are the hardest to pay attention in. One of them only has 9 people in it so I can't really fall asleep in this mans class. If I could I would. I got a couple of things to do this weekend so maybe I'll get most of them done tomorrow so I can relax some.