Today like many other days in the past few weeks I guess, I feel alienated from a lot of things. Almost a feeling of being just left out or a feeling of being of little importance to those that are close to me. I know that I feel it from other people but I also believe that I do it to myself. I find myself not doing a lot of things that I really would like to do. I think that I'm seriously going to start just doing things that I like to do and disregard everyone else for a while. They can either do things with me or just not be with me during that time. I haven't had a good whole week of doing things that I like and love to do in a long time. Call it selfish if you like, but I'm getting tired of catering to others needs all the time. I do this and that and it's not even what I want to do..... Oh and do let me say no, I'm liable not to get talked to for the rest of the night. No one should feel this way. I almost feel obligated to just go a head and do it so that I don't have to be worried about the extra stuff that comes along with saying no to something. But I'm really tired of other people running my life.
One days like today, I wish I was back a GSU for the simple fact that I when I felt this way back there, there was always someone there for me to lean on. Here, I don't really have that many friends. Especially those of which you would go hang out with. The school I go to now has a mixed crowed of people and I do have a core group of friends that I have most of my classes with. But they're really not the people that I would go over to hang out. I think I'm going to have to find another outlet. I would say my girlfriend but it's about the same as when I was back in the Boro and well just see each other on the weekends :(.... I figured it be like that for the most part. I know that it might help if I get a job. I'm going to start back looking next week.... well I can really start tomorrow. So I will.
School's going fine so far. I had my first test yesterday and I think I did ok on it. I've done three small papers so far and it really hasn't killed me yet. I have one really boring class every day and there's no class that I've got that's really exciting to go to. But those too classes are the hardest to pay attention in. One of them only has 9 people in it so I can't really fall asleep in this mans class. If I could I would. I got a couple of things to do this weekend so maybe I'll get most of them done tomorrow so I can relax some.
Thursday, August 31, 2006
Saturday, August 26, 2006
Life..... could it be different?
Today I find myself reflecting on the past few years of my life a wondering how things would be if I weren't like the person I am.... What I'm trying to say is, if the chooses and decision I made in the past were not of my own but of someone unlike me, where would I be today? Would I have gotten out of high school, or even went to college? What about the school I chose to go to, would I have picked Georgia Southern? What about my girlfriend? Would I be with her, have talked to her, loved her, hated her? What would my relationship be like with me family? I don't know what possessed me to think about such things but it just hit me.
I've been talking to a friend back at Southern and she's been telling me about how her life's been these past few years sense she's been in school. I think it's really interesting because in a way she wishes that she would have carried herself for the last two years is the way I did carry myself. She's is really reflecting on her life and how she says one thing or is one way and does/portrays just the opposite. She is a Christian and believes that her actions don't reflect her walk with the lord. This to her is very important and it should be for every Christian. Because we are Christians, worldy people are always going to be looking at us to see what we're doing, acting and behaving. It's like having a life under a microscope. She recently stopped dating her boyfriend because of some of the things happening in the relationship. I told her a long time ago that I didn't believe that her relationship with him was going to work. It takes people a little bit longer to see things from an outside perspective because we get so entangled into the moment. Anyway, he's trying to get back with her, but she finally put her foot down and told he that he was going to have to change in order for them to get back together. I'm so happy for her. She seem so happy on the phone now when we talk. I think if I where still in the Boro we would be best friend. I would like to think so anyway.
Back to me, if I were to be one of those people that partied all the time, how would that reflect my spirituality? What would that say about me, my faith, my teachings??? I would like to believe that I do carry myself in a manner that is respectable and smiled on by God. I hope that I can remain to be in good favor with God and that he keeps me and gives me the strength to continue on in my walk.
I've been talking to a friend back at Southern and she's been telling me about how her life's been these past few years sense she's been in school. I think it's really interesting because in a way she wishes that she would have carried herself for the last two years is the way I did carry myself. She's is really reflecting on her life and how she says one thing or is one way and does/portrays just the opposite. She is a Christian and believes that her actions don't reflect her walk with the lord. This to her is very important and it should be for every Christian. Because we are Christians, worldy people are always going to be looking at us to see what we're doing, acting and behaving. It's like having a life under a microscope. She recently stopped dating her boyfriend because of some of the things happening in the relationship. I told her a long time ago that I didn't believe that her relationship with him was going to work. It takes people a little bit longer to see things from an outside perspective because we get so entangled into the moment. Anyway, he's trying to get back with her, but she finally put her foot down and told he that he was going to have to change in order for them to get back together. I'm so happy for her. She seem so happy on the phone now when we talk. I think if I where still in the Boro we would be best friend. I would like to think so anyway.
Back to me, if I were to be one of those people that partied all the time, how would that reflect my spirituality? What would that say about me, my faith, my teachings??? I would like to believe that I do carry myself in a manner that is respectable and smiled on by God. I hope that I can remain to be in good favor with God and that he keeps me and gives me the strength to continue on in my walk.
Thursday, August 24, 2006
School's In!!
I started school back on Monday of this week hoping that I wouldn't find myself in any hard classes...... that's not the case at all. I'm taking 6 classes this semester; some being easy while others are not. Composition, Digital Design, professional Practices & Ethics, and History seem to be my easer courses so far. Database Systems and Software Architecture & Design are both going to take a lot out me over the next 17 weeks or so. I do want to do good in both of these classes as well as the others. I just don't think I'll be able to make straight A's this term. My girlfriend also started back this week and she seem to be liking how thing are going for her as of now. Her brother also stared school and seems to be excited about the whole being in college thing. I wish them both the best.
School, for the most part, has come back and taken up a big chunks of my life once again, but I can happily say that I'll be doing other things while being in school. One thing that I'm proud of the dedicating myself back to the Lord. For most of the summer.... well really the past two year (sense I've been in college) a haven't had a close relationship with God. I can blame only myself for this. I have started attending church regularly and can truly feel uplifted already. Another thing I'm doing is going to a concert with my girlfriend the weekend of Labor Day. It should e fun. It's the Counting Crows and the Goo Goo Dolls. I don't listen to either of their music but with help from my girlfriend I got to listen to a lot of it. I don't really like Goo Goo but the other group is ok. I think she said she didn't really like them either. There's a couple more things I would like to do this semester if I can get a chance but I'll bring those up later on.
School, for the most part, has come back and taken up a big chunks of my life once again, but I can happily say that I'll be doing other things while being in school. One thing that I'm proud of the dedicating myself back to the Lord. For most of the summer.... well really the past two year (sense I've been in college) a haven't had a close relationship with God. I can blame only myself for this. I have started attending church regularly and can truly feel uplifted already. Another thing I'm doing is going to a concert with my girlfriend the weekend of Labor Day. It should e fun. It's the Counting Crows and the Goo Goo Dolls. I don't listen to either of their music but with help from my girlfriend I got to listen to a lot of it. I don't really like Goo Goo but the other group is ok. I think she said she didn't really like them either. There's a couple more things I would like to do this semester if I can get a chance but I'll bring those up later on.
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